CAST

Opal Winskin, 5 audience members,
Famous Boy, Dr. Behavior,
a wolf, Fran the Farmer,
Clyde Cutahide, Howard Howler

OPAL: Welcome. Today's show is about wolves. What's all the howling about? Are wolves really wicked? Are they big and bad? What happens if you cry wolf? Could a wolf really eat Little Red Riding Hood? Join us as we unlock the mystery of the wolf. Let's begin with some facts about wolves. For thousands of years, people have feared and hated them and this hatred has led to the slaughter of countless wolves. In many states, the wolf is considered endangered. Although there are many wolves in Alaska, they are hunted and trapped at an alarming rate. Audience, when we think of wolves, what comes to mind?

AUDIENCE MEMBER 1: Wolves are trouble. They eat sheep.

AUDIENCE NIEMBER 2: Wolves are pests.

AUDIENCE MEMBER 3: Wolves are savage beasts.

OPAL: Can we change your mind about the wolf? Let's hear from my first guest, who hails from The Boy Who Cried Wolf. He has survived meeting a wolf and has led a remarkable life. He has come to share his story. Please welcome Famous Boy.

FAMOUS BOY: I'm here because of my best friend, the wolf. I would not be famous if it were not for him.

OPAL: Famous Boy, so many of us are shocked that you're still alive. People who read your story thought that you were thrown to the wolves, wolfed down by the pack. Tell us the real story.

F. B.: In those days, everyone was afraid of the big bad wolf. People claimed that the wolf was always ready to attack and eat humans.

OPAL: Did you ever see that happen?

F. B.: Of course not. No one had ever seen it happen, but everyone claimed to know somebody who knew somebody who told somebody that somebody had been attacked by a wolf. Well, I wanted to see for myself. One day I stood in the courtyard and cried, "Wolf! Wolf! There's a wolf in the courtyard."

OPAL: What happened then?

F. B.: Within seconds the town turned topsy-turvy. I cried "wolf!" whenever I had nothing better to do. And each time I got the same response. But one day, I cried "wolf" and no body came. Sure enough, all of a sudden, in the clearing, I saw something. It was a wolf. My life flashed before me. I stepped back and the wolf growled, exposed his sharp teeth, and raised his tail in confidence. Then you know what the wolf did?

AUDIENCE MEMBER 4: Scratched your face?

AUDIENCE MEMBER 5: Tore your hair out of your scalp?

F. B.: No. He sniffed my shoe.

OPAL: That must have startled you. There you were expecting to be eaten alive, and the wolf sniffs you. Isn't that something a dog would do?

F. B.: Opal, I'm-glad you brought up the subject of dogs. Where do you think dogs come from?

OPAL: I'm sorry, Famous Boy, that isn't in my notes. I don't know.

F. B.: They come from wolves. Nearly 15,000 years ago, humans began to tame the wolf. They knew then that the wolf was strong, intelligent, and an excellent hunter.

OPAL: So wolves are dogs and dogs are wolves?

F. B.: Genetically, dogs and wolves are almost the same. But dogs have been domesticated and are used to being around humans. They were taught to be man's best friend.

OPAL: Famous Boy, what have you been doing since you met up with the wolf hundreds of years ago?

F. B.: I have lived with my best friends, the wolves, and I am part of a pack. I've just finished two books, My Dinner with Peter and the Wolves and A Hunt for All Seasons.

OPAL: What an incredible story! Thank you for being on our show. Next, we'll hear from a psychiatrist who holds a master's degree in fairy tales and fables, and a doctorate in howling and crocheting. Please welcome Dr. Behavior.

DR. BEHAVIOR: I feel good about being here, Opal. I vould like to speak about ze volt. Ze volt is like a human in ze vay that a volt usually finds a companion and mates for life. Unless ze volf is a lone volf. And then that's another story. Volves have a family structure similar to humans. Adults protect the pups. The pups, or children, obey the adults.

OPAL: Dr. Behavior, why is it that the wolf has such a bad name? Why do fairy tales, such as Little Red Riding Hood, The Wolf and the Seven Kids, and The Three Little Pigs portray the wolf as a trickster, as a people killer, and as a sneaky, but stupid, animal?

DR. BEHAVIOR: Ze volf is a scapegoat in our society. Ze volf's name is mud. Ze volf is a shy animal that backs away from people. Vhile it must kill other animals so that it can stay alive, a volf vould never try to kill and eat a person. It just vould not taste good to the volf. It vould be like you eating your shoe. Not good. That means Little Red Riding Hood had nothing to worry about vhen she saw ze volf.

People say a person who eats a lot is a pig. If a person is a slow valker, he's vatting at a snail's pace. A shy person is called sheepish. Vhy do ve blame the animals for our problems?

OPAL: Did the wolf ever do harm?

DR. BEHAVIOR: Vell. A healthy vild volf has never been charged with killing a person. That's more than we can say for some people.

OPAL: Our next guest, Fran the Farmer, will join us after this commercial. Stay with us.

WOLF: (a wolf in a snowbank, tears streaming down his snout): There was never an easy time to be a wolf, but now it's really hard. Wolf control is on the rise. It's a very serious practice here in Alaska. Did you know that a person with a $25 trapping license may shoot wolves? The hunter can shoot the wolf, or run it until it dies of exhaustion. Call or write your federal legislators and ask them what you can do to protect the wolf. If you don't, we may not be around much longer. How long will wolves be persecuted? Stop the hate. This message is brought to you by friends who care about the wolf.

OPAL: Back with our show about wolves. Are they big and bad? Please welcome Fran the Farmer.

FRAN: It's a pleasure to be here.

OPAL: Fran, how do you feel about wolves?

FRAN: I had two run-ins with the wolf. First time a wolf came on the farm, I chased it from the livestock. But the second time, a hungry wolf had himself a chicken dinner on me. At first I was mad. But then I realized that the wolf didn't know any better. He was hungry and he saw a chicken and he took it. I couldn't blame him. A hungry person may have done the same thing. I just built a tall fence around my animals so that the wolves wouldn't be tempted.

OPAL: Did you ever feel threatened by a wolf

FRAN: No. Wolves don't bother with people.

DR. BEHAVIOR: Vould you bother vith people if they talked badly about you and shot you every chance they could?

OPAL: Our next guest is a hunter who kills wolves for sport. He has killed more than 50 wolves in Minnesota. Please welcome Clyde Cutahide.

CLYDE: Good to be here. Love your show, Opal.

OPAL: Thanks, Clyde. Tell us how you feel about the wolf.

CLYDE: I'm a wolfer. The wolf is great for hunting.

OPAl: Don't you feel bad when you kin a wolf?

CLYDE: Does a wolf feel bad when he kills a caribou or a musk ox?

DR. BEHAVIOR: That's different, Clyde. The volf kills to eat in order to stay alive. And the volf usually takes out the slowest, or the oldest, or the diseased, or the youngest animal of the herd. That helps keep nature in balance.

CLONE: Well, I don't have anything personal against the wolf.

OPAL: My next guest is a professional howler. He has toured the country and is presently performing at La Mirage in Las Vegas. Please welcome Howard Howler. (Howard Howler enters and begins howling. He doesn't stop howling until the end of the show.) Howard, tell us about your howling career. (Howard keeps howling and does not speak.) Howard Howler? Howler? Can you hear me? Dr. Behavior, can you shed some light on the howling mystique?

DR. BEHAVIOR: Volves communicate vith each other by howling. Sometimes valves howl because they are happy and the howling is a songfest. And sometimes it's kind of the vay you vould sing in the shower. Vhen volves vake up, volves may howl for 10 minutes to get their blood pumping. Volves howl before going off on a hunt to varn strangers to stay away from their den vhile they are gone. A volf may howl to varn others that danger is approaching. Howling is the beautiful language of the volf.

OPAL: We're running out of time. And so is the wolf. Learn more about what you can do to conserve wildlife. Won't you howl with me? Here goes. (Opal begins howling. Group howls. Lights fade)